Complaining

I complain about things quite often, and I am not really sure why. I have often thought of the reason why I complain so much. I have thought of my passivity in conflicts as being a cause: by rallying others to my frustration so they will act in my stead. I am writing about this is because I have tried to not complain these past couple of weeks. These past couple of weeks have not been fun at all and probably have been some of the most stressful weeks I have ever experienced at Ivy Tech, but I have tried to not complain. I have been staying away from Twitter a bit more so I can resist the urge to complain about my struggle. Believe me, I want to say so much right now, but I will not. Instead I will talk about the good thing that emerged from this mess: God is replacing everything in my life (what little it feels like I have left) for my dependency on Him. I have seen the obvious signs that this is a test from God. He even took something away again (several, actually) that I most certainly did not want Him to take away. Speaking of taking things away, just this last Sunday marked the anniversary of Him taking away my car. How suitable is it then that He would take more away a year later...

At first (like last year), I did not find this humorous or interesting (even in an observing sense). I was upset, and rightfully so, according to what our world likes to tell us. I am still slightly upset, but things are more clear to me now. What is so upsetting is I feel I have given up so much already: unwise spending of my money and time (even with little things) with food, video games, movies, and anything else I may want for half a year now. What is so unfortunately funny is God cares little about those things because at one time they were the things I could not "live without", but now they are simply not. They were easy to for me to give up. No, He keeps digging. He wants what is at the core of me: My time, my real desires, and my plans. And how He does that is by bluntly taking it away like a parent takes something from a child in order to discipline. He knows me very well. He knows what I need. To resist the urge to complain I will say, since the start of this extra class I have had very little free-time. My plans have been wrecked ever since I left High School, and even more so now. It is never enjoyable for me. Although, when the dust settles I will know it was exactly what I needed.


(I have several drafts I have been working on for about a week or more now since I don't have much time to write. I thought it would be best to publish this first to explain more of the next. There is a lot on my mind, but a lot of work to be done so I don't expect to write much in the coming three weeks.)