Change

I've never been good at improvising and change has always been a setback for me. I suppose that's why God tests me so much with it: As frustrating as it is I need it. Speaking of tests, I have noticed how often He has been giving me bigger and more difficult tests than the last. My guess is because I want Him more so I give up more. Then there are times like this where I have a lot of worry and I loose sight of God.

Change is always happening. There is no avoiding it. I just like to believe God makes it bearable. And that is exactly the opposite of how I have been looking at my situation: unbearable. Again I proved the waves got the best of me. I've seen the overwhelming impossibility of decisions instead of God, and I've managed to make this blog sound like a broken record. That is because this is my test. Change is something I have always been trying to adapt to better (as is everyone), but it is impossible since change brings the unknown element into play. My improvements came when I let God handle it and the opposite is/were my failures. I guarantee there have been fewer improvements than failures. I generally don't get excited when there is change... I don't think many people do. I like having control over my situations which is exactly why I think God likes to mess it up. He wants us to rely on Him. That is what we were created for, that is our need. A fish needs water just as we need God. The only way we can really adapt to change is to allow God to handle the unknown (something I struggle with). That is what I'm going to do. I've wasted enough of my time worrying and complaining. Next week marks the beginning of unknown and stress for eight weeks (or more). Yet strangely, I am at peace with it all. He pulled me this far I'm sure He will pull me through what is to come.