Take Heart

Wow. That's about all I can say for what I have experienced over the past couple months. God has taught me more about everyday little things. I hadn't expected something like this. Honestly, I wasn't sure what to expect from God at this point (and the past five years). I think you come to a point where God (ironically) consistently takes the rug out from underneath you to get you moving again. For me it has been in the little and simple things like praying more or praying for my enemies. It may seem humorous to think that I have enemies, but I do and honestly, I've never liked them enough to extend kindness their way. I will gladly and most furiously show them hatred. This has always been a byproduct of my bullying problems. It's as if now that I'm big enough, strong enough to provide resistance I do not hesitate to get into someone's face over something I consider unjust. In my own way of serving justice I even forget what God taught me during my struggles in grade school: To love my enemies. How quickly and unquestionably I responded to that command when I was a child utterly shames who I am today. The Lord allows the sun to shine on both the evil and good. If you love only those who love you what good is that? I am trying to pray for those who hurt me.

Another practice I've been trying to do for a while is keeping my good deeds secret. I will not tell them here since that will defeat the purpose of not letting my left hand knowing what my right hand is doing. This practice has been kinda elusive for me to fully grasp in the past and in some ways it still is. It's not necessarily large things, but simple things like twittering or talking to someone. I'm not sure if this blog would be considered a breach of that practice since I'm telling people what I'm doing. Either way I feel like the Internet makes these things much easier to flippantly voice what is on our minds. I've fallen prey to this often, but not now. There is something sacred about keeping what I've done between me and God. It is refreshing in a certain sense, and much more relieving than I expected.

Finally, I've noticed a powerful feeling that leaves me when I'm discouraged or loose self-esteem (which happens very often for me): Courage. To take heart and not let this world wear me down and destroy me. God has not created a spirit of fear or timidity so shall I not shy away from my challenges. It's difficult, but I've been taking it all one step at a time as should we all. To look at your world from a larger perspective is too overwhelming for anyone. Also with so much pain involved it's a miracle we even get back up to attack it again. That is what I desire to do, to let God always be greater than my losses. So when I get up in the morning I thank Him for giving me another day no matter if I feel like I have no energy or if I am sick. I ask for strength when dealing with frustrating situations and courage with overwhelming situations. The discipline is constant, never ceasing like our prayers. I fall all the time, but He is always there to pick me up and make me greater than my flesh. So take heart, there is hope.