IWU - My Thoughts on College

I'm here now. I have been for three and a half weeks. I have a lot to say. A lot on my mind. I realize some of you won't be happy about what I'm going to say, but keep in mind I'm 23 and I've already been living with adult responsibilities for some time. It's from my perception, from where I've been and what I've done. Unfortunately, it's been quite some time since I last wrote... almost 6 months now. I stopped because I felt I wasn't using this for good. The choices I was coming to terms with didn't settle well with me and I still feel like there is some injustice here, but I can't seem to pinpoint it. I'll get to that later though.
First off, I've been experiencing IWU from a work training viewpoint and now I'm about done with my first week of classes. It's been kinda fun, boring, lonely, and confusing all at the same time. The first couple nights were very hard. I was by myself and I struggled with thoughts of regret. I regretted choosing IWU. I don't know what other route I would take at this moment, but I wrestled with the choices I had made... I still am. It's getting better, but by no means is it the "best thing that has ever happened to me". The only thing that is somewhat "good" is the fact that I'm not at home anymore, but even so I gave up family and rules for freedom and loneliness. I'm not sure what is better. Everything else kinda... feels the same. I can't describe it other than I feel like I've already done this, and I have: Ivy Tech. It's not even out of my comfort zone and like a step backwards almost (because I'm not moving on with my career). I'm finding more and more it's not that much different. You have the same kind of people, the same structure to how the school functions, the same classes, the same problems.... things are the same. Take that a step further and you'll find similarities in high school, middle school, elementary school, and even in the office. Is that a bad thing? Probably. Can it be fixed? No, and I don't think it needs to be because there will always be problems to bring about an opportunity to show God's glory. It just so happens to be that I must find those opportunities here. Believe me I am reluctant to say that because I see a huge need in Noblesville that I up and left behind to pursue my own goals. I feel called yet I also feel extremely selfish. Can this even be? Is my decision right? This is the conflict I am dealing with. It also feels like if I say one good thing about IWU I am contradicting myself because I am here now and for some reason I think people would get the impression I am a hypocrite for enjoying college life. On the other hand I do realize the need for change and I realize how hard it is to move on. It is necessary, but still hard and I do not think that should be ignored. Here's the thing though: it's still the same. I need to treat it as such. Why must we look at life in phases? Are not the trials the same, just greater in intensity? IWU (college for that matter) is a different place for sure, but it is not better or even really that much different. It's some kind of weird hype. Perhaps this is the injustice I feel.
I realize my mind is all over the place, but please bear with me. Recently since my roommate and long-time friend moved in I've been living with him. You need to understand something first about our past: There was a time when he was going one direction and I would not follow. This brought about a lot of questions and arguments that eventually tore me down and made me doubt a lot of things. We've had a lot of good times though, a lot of good God conversations before this ugliness took place. My first impression to rooming with him was "this is going to be a lot of fun", but then I looked at it realistically and panicked, "My spiritual health can be in serious danger". Then something very interesting happened the last few nights: We began talking about life stuff and God stuff. Since I last had a good talk with him he's made a lot of mistakes which he's been admitting to me he regrets. He's also slowly taking my advice again. It's very slow though and he's still very much a skeptic, but from what I'm seeing here is shattering my entire perception of how this year would play out. A heart that was once hardened is now beginning to become flesh again? Perhaps this is why I need to be at IWU. It's hard for me to come to terms with this since I felt I made more of an impact in Noblesville than on one skeptic, but maybe this is one reason why God wanted me here. Yes, this is only the first week and a lot of things happen in a school year, but this shimmer of hope is something I have not seen in years.