Overwhelming

It's obvious I have a lot hitting me right now, but how I've chosen to react has been childish. Good thing is I've been able to shake it off and hand my worries to God. It took me a couple of weeks to regain my composure. I also realize for about a month now I have not wrote, but writing is only a very small factor in keeping me sane.

A lot is going on which is both good and bad. The good is the innumerable blessings God has put and is putting into my life. The bad right now is the enemy trying to overwhelm me by using fear and worry. However, I recently found out more bad news this morning. I know I've made it clear one direction I am planning to take was to go to Indiana Wesleyan to complete my bachelor's degree. Some of the good news is I was recently accepted and all of my paperwork has been going smoothly. I had always kept in mind the possibility of not attending IWU in which I would default to my original plan of staying here and beginning my career. This plan is an easier route financially because I would not be in debt, in fact, I would actually be making good money which would solve several of my problems. The problem is finding the time and energy to get my bachelor's. I want to get my bachelor's degree (this is a constant). The problem with IWU would be the opposite: I will have no money, but all the time and energy to achieve my bachelor's degree. Either way I would be willing to sacrifice... I think.

My portfolio course this semester requires everyone to present their portfolios in front of professionals in the graphic design and media industries. I do not mean to sound boastful when I say this, but I have had much experience in the field and many good pieces of work that WILL land me a job. I don't doubt this at all. If I want to go to IWU I will have to turn down a job. This is what scares me: My father believes I should start my career in May and stick with it. He wants me to get my bachelor's degree by taking night courses no matter how long it takes. He has also told me I have about a 90% chance I won't attend IWU because of not getting enough loans. On top of it all I am coming very close to having no work again because of a lack of work. This summer I probably will not have a job which convinces my father all the more I should just begin my career. Right now it seems I do not have a choice. I AM convinced I will never get my bachelor's if I take this route. I will try but I will not get it. This is what my father did... and he still only has an associate's degree. Like I said already: getting a bachelor's degree is a constant. It's my goal before I begin any work.

The fact is, I figured Indiana Wesleyan was too good to be true. It's ok if I don't go I just wish God will provide some way for me to still achieve my bachelor's degree soon and not in five years (I figured that's what He was doing with IWU, but I could have been wrong. It probably was all for me). I also don't want to kill myself over school and work like I'm already doing. That's all I want.